My Thanksgiving Strategy

Thanksgiving is a sacred holiday in my family. We are eaters. We like food. We habitually eat too much food. Being the ultimate Day of Eating, Thanksgiving is a big deal to us.

Some people just show up and eat what's available at their get togethers, but for families like mine, we strategize.

Step 1: Wake up early-ish. Start thinking about food.

Step 2: Eat a light breakfast. If you eat too much, you won't wear it off before food time. If you don't eat at all, you'll munch before the official start time. Either way, you won't be at your full hunger potential for dinner time.

Step 3: Make something edible that you know how to make (and won't ruin). In my case: deviled eggs. Because my family attempts to dress slightly nicer than bums when we get together for holidays, it is important to dress in grubby clothes all morning because you'll inevitably make a mess.

Step 4: Right before people should be showing up, change your clothes and clean up.(Note: It's always best to host these things, as you will see in just a moment.) If you want to be just like me, put on a nice V-neck sweater. This isn't a formal event. Sweaters are nice enough.

Step 5: As people arrive with food, reevaluate your game plan and examine the choices available. If you counted on cheesecake and there is no cheesecake, you will have to make adjustments.

Step 6: When you spot the food on your list, DIVE IN!! Do not wait for Cousins to get food. They are too slow. You could be on Round 2 by the time they sit down.

Step 7: Once you're full to the point of combustion, nibble cookies until food has settled enough for Round 18.  It is also permissable to sneak away to change clothes at this time. Everyone has seen you all dressed up and will not think you're a bum if you suddenly are wearing something else.

I recommend a hoodie and drawstring pants. A hoodie is baggy and has a pouch for hiding food or holding napkins. Drawstring pants are preferable to elastic bands because they won't attempt to hold on so tight around your tenderly full stomach. Note: Any baggy, hobo clothes can be worn as long as they have a Michigan State logo. Anything with this symbol is acceptable to our family.

When your hair has lost its coloring (as mine apparently has in these pictures), it is safe to stop eating. Results may vary-- most people will be asleep from the tryptophan by this point.