Showing posts with label evil. Show all posts
Showing posts with label evil. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

When Mercury is in retrograde

Hi blogginos.

It's been a while since I've written an honest-to-goodness post. Things have been a little nuts around here. I know, you're probably sitting there, like:

But for reals. It's been like this:

So what's my deal? 





The planet Mercury.



See,  Mercury is in retrograde. Basically that means everything here on Earth is jacked. When Mercury's doin' it's own thing, spinnin' whichever way it feels it wants to, the Earth gets this funny feeling until all is right again in the universe. I'm* affected in such a way that it makes me act a little "off." (*I'm not the only one. The whole world is-- electronics, people, animals, you name it.)

So my normally organized desk, looks like this:

And more amazingly, I was able to FOCUS on homework and complete my final project in two days.

In my daily life, things have been quite stressful. My boss is retiring and lots of stuff is happening to wrap up the loose ends she might leave behind. I've been trying to stay organized while she's sorting things but let's face it-- it's a hectic time when someone leaves. All things considered, I've been feeling pretty proud of myself handling the stress levels so well up until about a week ago. That's when I finally noticed for myself that I might be a little out of control.

It all started when my coworker came into my office...













Unfortunately that last part isn't exaggerated.

I really did wave a box half my size over my head and throw it at him.

Soooo... moral of the story: Watch your back. Mercury's gonna be doing its own thing for about a month.


Monday, December 5, 2011

Self-Portrait

Although I am not at liberty to say what is causing this quite yet, I thought you might appreciate a blog with some of my self portraits of today.


Yeah, mostly that last one.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Is it just me?

I have a confession to make. Sometimes the little things set me off. It doesn't even have to start with one of those sneaky hate spirals that Ali wrote about on Hyperbole and a Half-- it just springs up out of nowhere. Someone will say something totally innocent and probably not even think when they're saying it, and I'll get kind of ornery about it.

Do you get like that too?

The Nerak is with me often enough so she could probably gauge if I'm overreacting on this, but this is the one that usually gets me.




 And in my head, I'm ALWAYS like: 







I don't know. Some people are more sensitive than others so maybe I'm over-thinking it... I mean, I'm not ornery, am I?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Unusual Suspects

My dad's birthday is coming up and while I was doing some online shopping, it occurred to me that (a) I should look at my Amazon gift idea page, and (b) my friend's birthday is coming up too.

Said friend has asked that names be changed to protect her identity in case someone thought she was crazy and dangerous. We'll call her Nerak. (Don't worry, Nerak. Nobody ever guesses names backwards.)

First, I noticed that some of Nerak's choices were a little strange looking.


In fact, they looked kind of dangerous.

My imagination got the best of me on that last one.

I brushed off the creepy feeling and kept looking through her things. Lots of art stuff, mostly, but I saw the  underlying pattern there.

This tipped me off:

But this is where I was sure:



Note to self: Buy Nerak awesome presents for her birthday. You aren't an eagle; a robot can kill you.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Crazy, crazy, Christmas crazy!

The day started poorly.

My first mistake was forgetting to turn the sound off on my phone before bed. I used to have "Harry Potter" play whenever I got an email but somehow I accidentally deleted it. Too lazy to plug my phone back into my computer, I switched to "Sonic the Hedgehog." "Harry Potter" is easy to sleep through; it's a quiet melody. "Sonic the Hedgehog" is not. Needless to say, every junk email about "Deal of the Day" and "Free Shipping" woke me up through the night. (Are you crazy? Reach over and mute the phone in the middle of the night? The light would hurt my eyes!)

Eventually I rolled out of bed (much later than my alarm clock intended) and dragged my butt into the bathroom to get ready.

Mistake # 2: Taking a bath instead of a shower. (Snooze.)

By the time I was ready, it was about 10 minutes after the time I usually leave. Oops. Still too tired, I decided to forgo the tennis shoes and just wear my slip-on knit shoes (the ones that look like slippers).
That was Mistake #3.

I got to work on time, which was nothing short of a miracle, and decided that I would check to see if my order had come in at the craft store. Tomorrow night is our big holiday celebration and we do free crafts. I had ordered a crap load of googly eyes for some ornaments my place will be making. I thought ahead and ordered these things 2 weeks ago-- I was overdue for a call.

This is what happened:

Apparently when I said my corporation name, they put it under an organization who USED TO BE under us but hasn't been for like a year or more. So the dude on the phone was yelling at me for putting it under the wrong name, and I was snapping back because, duh, they aren't part of us anymore.

What happened was this: I placed an order for a million googly eyes. Googly eyes came in. Store called place that isn't us. Place that isn't us picked up my order knowing they hadn't ordered them.



This started an absurd amount of detective work that, quite frankly, left me distressed (after all, I haven't been reimbursed for said googly eyes yet.)



Keep in mind, I only have one day to find these things.

After much rigamarole, I learned that the lady who picked them up had delivered them to another place altogether. So I called the other place, explained the mix-up, and the lady said, "Oh... we ordered some too." Talk about a coincidence. How many people around here order googly eyes in bulk?? Answer: A lot.

With all that straightened out, I decided I had better walk over and get my googly eyes before someone else got a hold of them. On my way out the door, I noticed the Christmas tree in the gallery was not lit up. Last week it was looking very dim so poo-- our Christmas tree is burned out.

No way.

If this happened Wednesday, who'd care? But the day before the holiday thing? No way.

At this point, I was feeling emo. What else could go wrong? I scuffed down the street, headed toward my googly eyes, and realized something:

Today was a horrible day to wear slip-on knit shoes.

I walked along the sidewalk, slush seeping into my stupid knit shoes, my socks soaking wet from the snow, and hated myself for not driving (Mistake #4).

I have little legs so a 3 minute walk took me about 8, then I slushed back through the snow, arguing with a fat squirrel who was barking at me from a tree, totally disgruntled by this run-around, when I saw our grounds dude way up on a lift, stringing replacement lights in the trees.

"Dude!" said I. "Do you have extra lights I can use? My Christmas tree burned out!"

And down from the heavens came a box of Christmas lights *foomp!* in the snow.

Giddy that I didn't have to run to the store, I cut across the totally unshoveled plaza toward my office. Then I remembered my shoes again. Mistake #5.

Two major soakers later, I hauled the skinny Christmas tree through two doors and into my office, ala the Grinch, and plugged in the lights.

And the lights worked!

Overjoyed at the amount of time that saves, I carried the tree back out to the gallery and plugged them in.

And they did not work.

As it turns out, the extension cord was plugged in at the ceiling to avoid trip-hazard wires all over the floor. Of all the track-lighting in the place, that particular track was bad. One seriously whiny phone call later, the exhibit guy came over, and after about four more hours, only 6 of the 27 lights are working but my tree lights up so I don't really care.

Grounds dude came by for another problem we were having and I returned the box of lights he had given to/thrown at me. In my total rush of excitement that my problems were wrapping up (and probably also because a crazy high dose of Vitamin B12 was finally kicking in), I finished putting up the garland that I'd put off for about 2 weeks. Finally this place is almost up-to-par.

Assuming a Christmas catastrophe doesn't occur tomorrow, we should be all set for Christmas Crazy Day!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

I'm calling you out, Hangman game on my phone.

Listen, Hangman game on my phone:

When I downloaded you the other day, it was for a bit of brainless fun. After a few rounds, it was abundantly clear that I'm not smart enough for you, so I switched to the kids' setting.

We have a problem, Hangman game on my phone. I don't know where you're from but kids around here don't know half those words. Under "animals" there shouldn't be words like bandicoot or bunting. A bunting's a bird? I thought it was something to do with fabric! And really, what kid would guess "Sao Paulo" or "Helsinki" for cities? Or "Luxembourg" or "Botswana" for countries? Whatever happened to words like "cow" or "bear," words that kids actually know? Why did you choose "cobra" when you could've gone with "snake"? The R-S-T-L-N-E Wheel of Fortune strategy doesn't work with you. You've got me so jacked in the head, that I'm guessing things like "gibbon." I'm 27 years old and failing at Kid Mode!

Oh, and on the occasion when I do get one right, you've got some nerve to patronize me with "congratz!" CongratZ? You aren't even spelling it right!! Is that how you win, making up words and creating new spellings?

I'm onto you, Hangman game on my phone. I took pictures to prove your crookedness.

Like this one: Since when is a "phoebe" a bird???


Regrettably I was unable to get a picture of the four-letter word, an animal:  _EA_. You're lucky my phone crashed, probably because its computer brain exploded before mine could. What do you mean it didn't have a "b" or an "r"?? What the heck else could it be??

I'm done with you, Hangman game on my phone.


And on that note, I quit as a winner. VICTORY IS MINE!